No, look, I'm giving myself a holiday and not going to uni tomorrow

AAH THE GUILT THE GUILT THE GUILT

er, yes, not going to uni tomorrow - so that I can go for a run - and finish an essay - and - see the daylight

because I saw daylight today, even got sunburnt, and it made me feel like all was going well, that all was 'on the up', that the universe was desolate but warm, with a heightened sense of (un)reality, like the Algeria that I imagine when I think of Camus' The Outsider.

and also, I want to put Schopenhauer into the essay, so I can't do it without sunlight...

I've been having cold showers, letting myself cool / I hate twittering voices of guilt late at night, I wish my morning seminar would come to my house in the morning so that I wouldn't have to get out of bed - real Kafka style - waking up to find that the lecturer was sitting on my chair, the students perched around the room on desks and bookshelves and even some sitting right next to me in the bed.

because I could go to the seminar, but then I'd only get 4 hours' sleep, and then I'd be back by eleven, and someone from my German class might spot me, ringing alarm bells about my absence later in the day... ah, the trials and ...

( i think that's enough talking to the internet for now)