Well, I can't sleep, so I figure that I may as well use the opportunity to update my blog, even if it is only with griping about my heat-induced insomnia. Better some content than none, eh?
There is nothing so aggravating than tossing and turning in the night. I think I must have worried about every topic possible in the hours that I was lying there, unable to find a position that would satisfy the requirements of a) comfort and b) not boiling to death. I'm sure everyone has their own strange and particular pre-sleeping poses and habits. Mine involve covering my ears with the sheets (a little quirk that I developed many years ago when trying to assuage my guilty paranoia that other people could hear the thoughts I shouldn't be having when I was falling asleep. Just in case anyone in the vicinity was telepathic, I felt that an extra layer of doona between me and the world would muffle my booming internal monologue from the Big Other's prying ears. I'm a little less paraniod these days, but still feel nude with cool, fresh air about my noggin). This strategy is eminently not compatible
with gross humid nights like tonight. Nor is any sort of foetus-like position conducive to a body that is radiating large amounts of heat.
And so I've been overthinking. Everything. From phenomenological questions about how I process thoughts and feelings (what is a thought? Do concepts exist before the feelings and things that they describe? Do I only think that words fit entities in the world because the words shape the things that I am looking for in the entities? Is this all just a tautologous circle? What is thought anyway? And language? Am I just a mass of chemical reactions that I like to think of as consciousness? And what happens when we die anyway? What is death? How does time work? My experience of it, I mean. What does it look like? Does something come after time? etc.), to considerations about how I relate to gender and sexuality, to miscellaneous ponderings over memories... I've done it all.
Actually, that list of questions looks quite funny now. I can laugh at my own small neuroses. Well, particularly after having a slice of toast and a cup of tea while creeping around the house, trying not to wake people or sound too much like a burglar.
And oh bugger, I've just woken my girlfriend. Whoops.
Happy new year folks. I think I'm about to make my second attempt.