yes i do still exist, and yes i am procrastinating recklessly once again; and yes i have been in the 'new couple's underground' and yes i have been on hiatus from the world - and yes, again, i am handing things in late, and yes also suppressing uneasy guilt within myself about the whole thing; and yes listening to old cds for the sake of searching to find again the joy they once brought me, and yes finding my breath catching in my throat as i look out at the lacquered blackness and reflected neon of the yarra - but no, i will not rein myself, i will not at this late stage take some responsibility, i will not learn any lesson and attempt to turn the whole thing back the right way 'round; so, let us make a toast to foregoing the brake as the train speeds towards a smash! ... (ah, me.)